Friday, May 29, 2009

Lavigne, Lohan, Perry & Simpson Aim to Revive the Riot Grrrl Movement on Their Terms

Listen up music fans! Avril Lavigne, Lindsay Lohan, Katy Perry and Ashley Simpson are teaming up to form an all-girl punk band called Grrrrls Rule. These 4 pop superstars intend to pick up where Sleater-Kinney, Bikini Kill, and the like left off. Bands in the original riot grrrl movement addressed serious women’s issues such as rape, domestic abuse, sexuality and female empowerment. Lavigne, Lohan, Perry and Simpson all agree the songs and style of the movement were a bit abrasive for their tastes and the subject matter was too “heavy”. Simpson described the Grrrrls Rule style as “riot grrrl light.” “We don’t want to alienate our guys.” Perry added, “yeah, we’re not really the bra burning types”. Lavigne was quick to point out that she’s “married to a guy”. Lohan will be fronting the band and assured interviewers that she is no “angry lesbian” and the music and lyrics they’re writing will be palatable to everyone. “I mean, after all, Katy’s I Kissed a Girl was a huge hit. That’s the kind of thing we’re going for, but with a little more of an edge.” According to their label, Grrrrls Rule’s album will be out Valentine’s Day 2010. Watch out for their spring tour later that year.

Survey Suggests Many May Blame Prejean for California's Economic Woes

A recent survey (see official questionnaire below) suggests 98% of Californians feel there could possibly be a correlation between Carrie Prejean's statements on gay marriage and the economic turmoil California is facing.

1. Did you watch the the Miss USA pageant on television on April 19, 2009?

2. Did you find out about California's economic problems after the pageant?

3. Is there a slight possibility that Miss California's answer about gay marriage could have negatively affected California's economy?

Note: This sample is based on a phone survey of N=42 people from Lone Pine, CA. Of those surveyed, those who answered yes to #1 and #2 were included in the analysis.

BreastStrong Campaign Names New Spokesmodel

In an effort to use her new notoriety to help the less fortunate amongst us, Ms. Carrie Prejean has agreed to become the spokesperson for the BreastStrong Campaign. This relatively new non-profit was originated to help raise money for underprivileged girls to get the breast enhancements they so desperately need. When asked for comment, Prejean stated “I think I believe that all girls, regardless of age or money, should have access to the self-esteem that comes from these important procedures.” Initial sponsors of the campaign include Donald Trump, the Miss California Organization, and FHM.

Forever 21 to Release Prejean Clothing Line

Teen clothing chain Forever 21 just announced this morning that they are collaborating with Miss California on a new line of clothing. The line will simply be called Prejean and is aimed at the modern-traditional girl. A Forever 21 spokesperson told us that “Prejean will be more than just a clothing line. It’s a lifestyle brand. Prejean will represent Carrie’s views on life and womanhood.” The first piece in the line has already been leaked to the fashion world. In August, girls will be able to purchase the Prejean jean. Don’t be fooled by the name, ladies. The Prejean jean is actually a skirt. Yes, it’s made of denim, but there will be no pants in Miss California’s line. When asked about her rationale, Carrie said “in my opinion and how I was raised, women in pants confuse men. Also, pants just aren’t pretty.”